December 12, 2007

THIS BLOG HELD HOSTAGE - DAY 2

In the future unlikely event that I miss another day blogging, I would appreciate it if, rather than simply note my absence as odd and move on, you all use your heads and make the logical assumption that I am trapped somewhere (in all probability, my legs have been pinned under a fallen refrigerator) and require if not your help, then your sympathy. So if you’re not going to rush over and save my life, at the very least bake me a batch of pistachio creams or knit me a cool shoulder holster, something that will help me while I convalesce.

So, with mere days before my mother’s arrival in Vancouver, I am in the process of putting together my “Fun Things To Do With Mom While She‘s Here” list. After checking out some of the online tourism Vancouver sites and perusing the Upcoming Events section of the local independent weekly, this is what I’ve come up with so far:

1) The Holiday Tap Weekend Extravaganza: which includes workshops for people lacking the will to refuse.

2) Bodyslams for Toys: All Star Wrestling benefit featuring matches between Gorgeous Michelle and Aaron Idol in addition to a bout pitting Penni Lane against Nikki Matthews versus Veronika Vice.

3) Retro 80’s dance party at the Atlantis Club (!). I wonder if any members of the expedition will show?

4) Breakfast with Santa: Pancake and sausage breakfast, face painting, and bouncy castle. (Bouncy castle!!!)

5) Winter Funk 2007 Canada: showcasing the latest Bollywood moves.

6) Solidarity Notes: The Vancouver labor choir performs songs of workers’ struggles and social injustice.

So if you were going to take your mom to one of the aforementioned, which would you choose?

Okay, so if you had to choose?

Alright, someone is holding a gun to your head and threatens to kill you unless you attend one. Which will it be?

Fine! Many people are holding guns to your head and the heads of pretty much everyone you know. To save countless lives, you MUST select one.

Well, it doesn’t matter. I failed to check the dates. These events are all happening THIS week. I’ll get an updated rundown of Upcoming Events and follow-up with a brand new list for you all to vote on soon.

To be honest, I haven’t had much occasion to take my mother out and about (besides dinners of course). I believe the last time I did was the time I took her to see the third Lord of the Rings installment, The Return of the King. I remember her commenting loudly throughout the movie as if we were sitting in her living room watching it on t.v. Finally, at the point in the film where the Steward of Gondor rebukes his son Faramir and openly wishes he had perished in battle instead of his preferred Boromir, my mother could barely contain herself. “It’s so ugly that a father would say that to his son!”she remarked. I nodded in agreement and sushed her, making it clear that we should discuss the movie later. And so, she quieted down and watched…up until the part where Frodo and Sam brave the arid journey to the Crack of Doom, when the sight of the two parched hobbits caused her exclaim: “ACH! THEIR LIPS!”.

McGillion suggested she might enjoy going up to Seattle to catch a Supersonics game. I countered that she’d probably prefer three days of sight-seeing fun with her favorite Stargate Atlantis character: Carson Beckett! In the end, we agreed to disagree.

So, help me out here. I’m certain that some of you out there are mothers or have mothers or at least know (of) mothers. What would be a fun mother-son excursion? And don’t say “Go with her to a couples spa,”as my wife (I hope) jokingly suggested. Creepy.